Have you ever…

Wished you were a character from one of your books? Or a book you’ve read? Someone who could handle things better than you could, knew the exact right thing to say, how to say it, when to say it (e.g. not the afternoon after) and how to get people to listen? Instead of feeling run over by a tank, that sort of thing. Sometimes I see paintings or pictures that strike me a little as how one of the characters might look–I found this one and thought it might look a little like Madeleine:

Possible Madeleine

Granted, Madeleine’s a bit tougher looking, but it’s still one of the better ones I’ve seen, and I do not have the artist’s name or date of the painting, which I need to find out. Plus, Madeleine would probably keel over before she’d wear white. She knows how to handle herself, says what she thinks, sometimes too much so. Of course, she’s also privileged and doesn’t have to worry about a job or money, which gives her the upper hand in that respect. It’s a lot easier to really be who you are, possibly, when you don’t have to worry about trying to keep a job, health insurance, or things like that.  That’s part of why the Hospital system is set up the way it is in Aithin. I suppose I have Socialist leanings in my ideas of health care–everyone should have it, regardless of how much money they have, their job situation. It’s basic humanity to make sure people are taken care of, which is why the Lords in each castle are responsible for the Hospitals in their castles–it’s expected of them, and it’s something they do without question. Madeleine has this sense of responsibility deeply entrenched in her moral views of the world, more so as she grows older and out of her teens and all the accompanying angst, realizing some of the mistakes she’s made that can’t be undone.

What would she do in today’s world, full of bureaucracy (not that there aren’t rules in hers) and policies, chains of people you have to go through for things that are supposed to be something done as an individual? If she were truly trying to behave herself, (if Brion asked nicely) she’d be incredibly frustrated. Especially not knowing what’s going on in the interim, because she’s used to knowing what’s going on, and her brothers have always supported her in public even if they’ve been furious with her in private.

Geoffrey would stand for it for about five minutes, the younger Geoffrey, that is. The older Geoffrey would give it fifteen or twenty minutes, maybe half an hour, before he would simply storm in and demand to know what was going on. Madeleine is still far more subtle than Geoffrey. His heart’s in the right place, he just doesn’t always think first. Things effect him too strongly, and despite everything in the past, his sense of right and wrong is still fairly black and white, with just a little shading of grey. People don’t realize he’s deeper than he seems.

Adrian would learn the laws and rules and would have them so well figured out he’d have people running in circles. No one would be able to take advantage of him or anyone else he chose to defend. He’d be able to counter anything/anyone with their own rules.

Brion and Antony would be in charge of something, and while I hope they would be able to stick to their principles and not be swayed by all the insanity that is running a government/business (the lines are getting blurry), it might be difficult. They’d be extremely frustrated and they’d definitely need Adrian, as they already do.

Julian, as much as I love him as a character, would leave it up to Madeleine and Antony, and retreat back to the Hospital, because that’s where he makes his difference in the world. I wouldn’t mess with the Hospital, though.

Why go on and on about this? I’m in a bit of a mess myself, where I’m beginning to wonder if it matters what’s really right or wrong, to others, not to me. It matters to me, which is how I got myself in this situation to begin with. I don’t know what’s going on, really. I don’t know if I can trust the people I thought I could. Now it’s starting to sound like The X-Files. But truly, I’m starting to wonder if there’s not some truth to that. How much can you trust people? I don’t want to lose my faith in human nature, and want to believe everyone is essentially a good person, but that’s being eroded a little. Well, it has been over the years, slowly, but this has taken a bigger chunk. All this technology we have, how “far” society has advanced, all the leaps and bounds in medicine, yet the foundation of human relations still rests on basic things like trust and respect, for everyone.

I know what I would do if I were Madeleine, but I’m not, and this is the real world. As unreal as it seems at times.

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