Something about this time of year sucks the energy right out of me. And also makes me depressed. Especially New Year’s. There are two (and probably more) ways to look at New Year’s. The first involves looking over what you’ve done (or not) over the past year and determining whether or not you’re happy with it. If you are, fantastic and congratulations. I never am happy with what I’ve done over the past year. This year has been a particularly weird one. I have written a _lot_. How much of that is good is yet to be determined. The fact that I’m on the fourth ending could be an indication of how well things are going at this point. (The first three _were_ interesting in their own ways, just not the way I decided to go. Three times.)
Job situation is frustrating at best. Enough said.
And then there is the perspective on New Year’s sort of akin to yay, the past year’s gone, we’ve already done all that damage, what can we do next year to make it better?
Don’t get me started on resolutions. I decided last year that my resolution was to make no more resolutions. Inevitably, I don’t make whatever goals, etc. I set for myself, which leads to more disgruntlement about the past year.
My birthday is in January, so the combination of the new year and getting a year older are most likely one of the things that make me so cranky about it. This didn’t bother me when I was 20 and had what I imagined to be endless time ahead of me. In fact, I don’t believe I even thought at twenty about what I would be doing in another twenty years. It didn’t seem possible. Well, it is.
I guess I do have a resolution of sorts. I’m waiting for Goodreads to take down their goal for how many books to read in 2011 (isn’t it close enough now?) and change it to 2012, because I may actually try to come up with a number and do that.
A goal that is sort of self-imposed but is also required is to get myself stronger. I’m better than I was nearly two months ago.
Now that I’m thinking about it I suppose I do have more goals that I thought I did. I think they just happen to coincide, though. OK, the Goodreads one doesn’t.
This isn’t a great or cheering post, I know. I am planning a better one, given that the blog gods work with me.
Happy New Year’s!